This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
