my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
