All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
