Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
