Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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