Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
