ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
