i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
