I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
