He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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