bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
