i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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