I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize