Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
