I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
