I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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