Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
