I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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