i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
