Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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