I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
