listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize