At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
