he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
