if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
