OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
