If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This girl is more easily done than said...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
