Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
