Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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