i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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