Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
