Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
