NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
