oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
