You can't motorboat a personality
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
