I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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