Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
