I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
