The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
