i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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