So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
