its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
