you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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