You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
