Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize