take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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