: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
id be glad to
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
