It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
