Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize