Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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