Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
two words: eviction party
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
