i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize