I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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