I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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