Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
