Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I forget how to act sober
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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