You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
