Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
