You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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