Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
