He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
