You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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