Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
