Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
