omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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