whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
