How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
