Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize