You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
