who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The Olympian is in my bed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
