So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
