if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we made out on top of his cat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize