Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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