Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize