The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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