Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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