He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
